My name is Dawn...

Most of you that know me well would agree that I am a morning person. I have always woken up early to get things done while the house is still quiet. I get so much accomplished in that time!

Since my illness and all the medications I am not waking up early anymore. In fact, I have to use an alarm now to get up on those days I need to be up. UGH!!! But I still love the potential of things that can come with each new day, regardless of whether it is at 5am or 8am.

Planning for the New Year is a bit similar to planning for a new day. We write down our lists of resolutions, but we are dissapointed, more times than not, when in a few weeks we have not stuck to the new program - so we give it up altogether.

I decided to do it differently this year. One reason is because, while I do expect and hope to live through 2010, my illness forces me to live in smaller segments.

I will live as if each day is a new year (all are general and entail many things and this list is subject to change):
1)Begin with a quiet time. God IS my power source.
2)Do at least ONE thing that moves me toward my more long-term goals.
3) Do at least ONE thing (this really should be more but I hate breaking resolutions so I will start small) that will let people see God through me.

It is a new day...My name is Dawn

Gifts yet to be opened...

Ahhhh...time to settle down and enjoy our family, our friends, and, of course, our gifts. The rush and the excitement is over for Christmas 2009. And with it goes the anticipation of the gifts...

On television shows, in movies, in books, in plays, on the internet...everywhere you hear about children looking forward to opening their Christmas gifts. Pictures of wide-eyed children tug at our heartstrings.

Let's not kid (ha!) ourselves, though! We adults have just as much fun in expectation of our gifts! We are all child-like at Christmastime.

Sometimes I believe the anticipation is just as good, if not better, than the actual gift. When we ask people their most favorite gift ever received, they often cannot be specific or even remember. What if we were to ask next: "But you do remember anticipating gifts very year?" I imagine the response would be almost a unanimous and resounding "YES!"

At the beginning of all my treatments I was told: "This road is a ribbon on a gift yet to be opened.". I am anxious to see this gift - for I believe this gift will reveal the purpose of my illness. The ribbon is slowly being unfurled and I am catching glimpses of the gift. I am that wide-eyed child.

I recently read somewhere that the greatest thank you that you can give to someone for a gift is to enjoy the gift. It is my intent to fully enjoy this gift God is giving to me - whether the ribbon on it is long and rough and tattered or short and simple.

It's a wonderful LIFE!

This past weekend, we had a chance to watch the movie with the boys for the first time. It really has new meaning after having been on the brink of the death - but I think that everything I read, see, and hear does these days.

George Bailey had to look at how life would have been for his friends and family if he had never existed. George's angel, Clarence, says in the movie its amazing how much a mans' life touches another. I know how much each of you have touched my life! It is my prayer - and purpose - to make sure I can help make a positive impact on each of your lives while here on earth.

Also, Clarence writes to George that no man is a failure who has friends. Well, I certainly have friends in all of you and I thank you!

SPOILER ALERT: Here is a clip from the end of the movie. Try to take some time to watch it (or watch the whole movie) over the holidays.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k_Vsmqf6X8


PRAISE: On Monday and Tuesday of this week I went walking about an hour each day. I am a bit sore but it was worth it!

Another anniversary! Three months...

This is what I call efficiency. I just love it!

Do I love the picture? Sure.

Do I love efficiency? Absolutely.

I have always prided myself on my organizational skills and lack of procrastination. Did you notice I used the words "prided myself?" We know what comes with pride.

Hence, I believe just one of the reasons God has allowed this disease to riddle my body is to not concentrate so much on "getting things done" while sacrificing personal relationships. I need to be the person who can be the "yes" person to my husband, my boys, other family members, and friends - and, most especially God (my purpose). While there are many limitations on all I can do right now, God and my family must forever remain my priority.

I cannot be the "yes" person for every charity, organization, sports team, etc. - and this will take a while to adjust to. But it has only been 3 months and I look forward to many more months to work on it!

MELE KELEKIMAKA

There are people out there that say "Change is good."
I would like to amend that to say: "Change might be good in the end but sometimes it sure as heck hurts when u r going through it."
This will be the first time in 33 years that I will not be going to Hawaii for the Holidays. I DO realize that I was lucky to have gotten to go all those years - and YES I am grateful. But it was a tradition - a tradition my family began when my sister passed away.
I have to have some plan of action to get through this hump in the road:
1) Pray pray pray.
2) Not let the boys see me upset - especially when people ask when I am leaving for Hawaii.
3) Make some new traditions.
4) Bring a bit of Hawaii to me: maybe get some tropical flowers, buy some extra pineapples at the store, wear out my shirt that has Santa on a beach. Any other ideas?
5)Practice Aloha.
6) Pray more and just thank God I am lucky enough to be with my family this holiday season.

Joyful, Joyful I adore Thee

The doctor's office called. My blood tests were great! The biggest test they give me is for billirubin. Your normal levels are between 0-2. I am now at a 3. While in the hospital I was over an 18, putting me on the brink of death.
I went to pick up the boys at school shortly after the phone call. While waiting I opened up my Bible randomly. Here are the verses that spoke to me:
"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live. I will praise God to my last breath! May he be pleased by all these thoughts about him, for he is the source of all my joy." Psalms 104:33-34

Fear + Unbelief = bad days

I have received so many great emails after posting on my blog yesterday. I continue to be amazed. Pieces of knowledge from so many people are wonderful and they all seem to tap on just what I need to hear.

I felt compelled earlier to reflect on all that I have been through in the last few months - concentraing on various emails and notes received. I went back and read some emails I received at the beginning of this journey.

One of the first emails I received quoted Dodie Osteen in her book, Healed of Cancer: "Did you know that Jesus took not only your sins on the cross but also your sicknesses. He bore in His body anything that causes you heartache, poverty, oppression, depression, pain, suffering, etc. Jesus took it all. Matthew 8:17 refers to Isaiah's prophecy about Jesus, saying, 'He himself took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses.' If Jesus took your sickness then there is no need to bear it."

There is no need for my fear.

Another friend sent me an email today and used some quotations from the book You Were Born for This:

“…fear is a fruit, not the root. The root is unbelief in our hearts..."
"We don’t tear down unbelief in our hearts by trying to muster up our courage or fan the flames of emotion. We tear it down by rejecting the lies, claiming the truth, and acting on it..."

I have come so far in such a short time. I WILL NOT FEAR and I DO BELIEVE God has not finished his work in me yet!

bloody monday

I went to have bloodwork taken today. Nothing out of the normal...until I got to the elevetor and a woman pointed at my arm and said to get back to the clinic asap. The blood was soaking through the pads and getting everywhere.
It has stopped now. But with some of these other symptoms I am getting concerned (even though people tell me my coloring looks good, etc.). I have left a message for my doctor - but I do not think there is much they can tell me at this point until they get the results from that blood.
So many other things are going on too and I know the devil is after me. Admittedly, I am getting depressed.
Please pray.

Maybe its just the Christmas sweets!

I woke up this morning and had gained 4 pounds in 2 days. This is not good - it is what led to my last hospital visit. While I do not notice the usual bloating that goes along with this, it does cause concern. Maybe I can just chalk it up to the Christmas sweets!
I am getting bloodwork in the morning and it will be sent to the liver doctor. Let's just pray it is something minor that goes away on its own or that a twinge of my medication can erradicate.
Thank you all! Enjoy this CHRISTmas season!

PS: I will let you know if I hear from the doctor! A phone call from the doctor is NOT good at this point!

War Games

What does that bring to mind?
I always think of the movie or the computer games, etc. Sometime, when I can handle getting all fired up, I will read about the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars.
Lately for me, it makes me think of the Alamo project Jared just finished (brag: he got a 100!). The Alamo was just a battle: the Texans lost it but they won the revolution!!!
In Jesus Calling this morning it talked about the evil attacks on the Christian's mind. We are "engaged in massive warfare, spiritually speaking." Oh how I have been needing to reminded of this! Satan and his evil warriors are working hard on me.
Anyone who knows me knows I am not a big fan of doctors. The whole process (trying to get a good appt time, parking at the medical center, WAITING forever in the waiting room and then even longer in the examination room - and on and on) is just a pain (ha!). That is part of the reason I landed myself in the hospital - ignoring the symptoms just to avoid the doctor.
After my stay at the hospital and all my appointments, I was finally comfortable. Doctors: no big deal - even the (earthly) one who holds the decision about my liver in his hands. That is intimidating.
I met Dr Galati's nurse practioner the week after being let out of the hospital. LOVE her! We got along and laughed together and I even emailed her with small questions. Well - thank you devil very much! She has left the pratice.
All these things are going through my mind now (will he have a good replacement, will I now get put on the backburner, I am not even remotely looking forward to my next appt, etc.)
This, my friends, I know, is just a battle and I am going to win the war but I need my army behind me.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules and reading this blog and saying a quick prayer for me.

People in Elmhurst are hurting

It was simply a case of the right bulbs going out at the wrong time. But passers-by couldn't be blamed for thinking a smirking prankster, or something much darker, was responsible when they looked up at the neon sign for Elmhurst Hospital in Queens, N.Y., which then displayed the ominous phrase "I'm hurt." When The New York Times showed Elmhurst spokesman Dario Centorcelli a photo of what a missing E and S had wrought, he seemed surprised. "Oh, God, are we going to get this fixed?" he wondered.We can only hope the hospital stays more on top of the situation when patients come in hurt and in need of fixing.

I saw this buried in my AOL news headlines a few weeks ago. For some reason, it really caught my attention (and not necessarily just because I thought "How did an employee at the hospital not notice this before?" and "Who the heck hired this spokesperson?").

I thought: How appropriate! It is just so obvious: people that are hurt go to hospitals. It would be as if all restaurants had a sign outside that said, "I am hungry," or better yet a sign outside Nordstrom's that says "I need a shoe fix." (OK - that last one was for me.)

BUT people are hurting in so many ways that do not lead to the hospital: lack of money in this recession and during this time of year when their kids need gifts, marriage problems, their first holiday season without loved ones, etc.

I sometimes wonder if we should not make t-shirts and give them away - a shirt that says, "I hurt." Would it not be a great sociology experiment if people were to wear these shirts when they were having a bad day? Would people ask the wearer about it, or go home and google it because they wanted to know if it was some new cause, or just look at the shirt and ignore it in their busy-ness? In line with my previous "soup" post today about practicing aloha, I think it would be great to picture everyone we encounter as if they are wearing a "I Hurt" t-shirt. Wonder what would happen...

What is the soup of the day?

I am bummed. Do you know what is one of the worst things you can eat when on a low sodium diet? You got it...soup.

A day like today (freezing cold) would be the BEST day for a hot and sour soup from Nit Noi!!! Does anyone know the chef there? Maybe I can convince him to make with no msg and fake salt.

I will just have to channel my thoughts to a beach in Maui. Speaking of: it has only been few days since the holiday season started and I have already noticed the stress of people I encounter. This is the time for me to "practice aloha.". (By the way, I have extra practice aloha bumper stickers and can always get plenty more! They don't have to go on the car - they can also go on your frig, your daytimer, your childs notebook or backpack, anything. Let me know if you want any. Let's spread the word this season!!!)