My name is Dawn...

Most of you that know me well would agree that I am a morning person. I have always woken up early to get things done while the house is still quiet. I get so much accomplished in that time!

Since my illness and all the medications I am not waking up early anymore. In fact, I have to use an alarm now to get up on those days I need to be up. UGH!!! But I still love the potential of things that can come with each new day, regardless of whether it is at 5am or 8am.

Planning for the New Year is a bit similar to planning for a new day. We write down our lists of resolutions, but we are dissapointed, more times than not, when in a few weeks we have not stuck to the new program - so we give it up altogether.

I decided to do it differently this year. One reason is because, while I do expect and hope to live through 2010, my illness forces me to live in smaller segments.

I will live as if each day is a new year (all are general and entail many things and this list is subject to change):
1)Begin with a quiet time. God IS my power source.
2)Do at least ONE thing that moves me toward my more long-term goals.
3) Do at least ONE thing (this really should be more but I hate breaking resolutions so I will start small) that will let people see God through me.

It is a new day...My name is Dawn

Gifts yet to be opened...

Ahhhh...time to settle down and enjoy our family, our friends, and, of course, our gifts. The rush and the excitement is over for Christmas 2009. And with it goes the anticipation of the gifts...

On television shows, in movies, in books, in plays, on the internet...everywhere you hear about children looking forward to opening their Christmas gifts. Pictures of wide-eyed children tug at our heartstrings.

Let's not kid (ha!) ourselves, though! We adults have just as much fun in expectation of our gifts! We are all child-like at Christmastime.

Sometimes I believe the anticipation is just as good, if not better, than the actual gift. When we ask people their most favorite gift ever received, they often cannot be specific or even remember. What if we were to ask next: "But you do remember anticipating gifts very year?" I imagine the response would be almost a unanimous and resounding "YES!"

At the beginning of all my treatments I was told: "This road is a ribbon on a gift yet to be opened.". I am anxious to see this gift - for I believe this gift will reveal the purpose of my illness. The ribbon is slowly being unfurled and I am catching glimpses of the gift. I am that wide-eyed child.

I recently read somewhere that the greatest thank you that you can give to someone for a gift is to enjoy the gift. It is my intent to fully enjoy this gift God is giving to me - whether the ribbon on it is long and rough and tattered or short and simple.

It's a wonderful LIFE!

This past weekend, we had a chance to watch the movie with the boys for the first time. It really has new meaning after having been on the brink of the death - but I think that everything I read, see, and hear does these days.

George Bailey had to look at how life would have been for his friends and family if he had never existed. George's angel, Clarence, says in the movie its amazing how much a mans' life touches another. I know how much each of you have touched my life! It is my prayer - and purpose - to make sure I can help make a positive impact on each of your lives while here on earth.

Also, Clarence writes to George that no man is a failure who has friends. Well, I certainly have friends in all of you and I thank you!

SPOILER ALERT: Here is a clip from the end of the movie. Try to take some time to watch it (or watch the whole movie) over the holidays.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k_Vsmqf6X8


PRAISE: On Monday and Tuesday of this week I went walking about an hour each day. I am a bit sore but it was worth it!

Another anniversary! Three months...

This is what I call efficiency. I just love it!

Do I love the picture? Sure.

Do I love efficiency? Absolutely.

I have always prided myself on my organizational skills and lack of procrastination. Did you notice I used the words "prided myself?" We know what comes with pride.

Hence, I believe just one of the reasons God has allowed this disease to riddle my body is to not concentrate so much on "getting things done" while sacrificing personal relationships. I need to be the person who can be the "yes" person to my husband, my boys, other family members, and friends - and, most especially God (my purpose). While there are many limitations on all I can do right now, God and my family must forever remain my priority.

I cannot be the "yes" person for every charity, organization, sports team, etc. - and this will take a while to adjust to. But it has only been 3 months and I look forward to many more months to work on it!

MELE KELEKIMAKA

There are people out there that say "Change is good."
I would like to amend that to say: "Change might be good in the end but sometimes it sure as heck hurts when u r going through it."
This will be the first time in 33 years that I will not be going to Hawaii for the Holidays. I DO realize that I was lucky to have gotten to go all those years - and YES I am grateful. But it was a tradition - a tradition my family began when my sister passed away.
I have to have some plan of action to get through this hump in the road:
1) Pray pray pray.
2) Not let the boys see me upset - especially when people ask when I am leaving for Hawaii.
3) Make some new traditions.
4) Bring a bit of Hawaii to me: maybe get some tropical flowers, buy some extra pineapples at the store, wear out my shirt that has Santa on a beach. Any other ideas?
5)Practice Aloha.
6) Pray more and just thank God I am lucky enough to be with my family this holiday season.

Joyful, Joyful I adore Thee

The doctor's office called. My blood tests were great! The biggest test they give me is for billirubin. Your normal levels are between 0-2. I am now at a 3. While in the hospital I was over an 18, putting me on the brink of death.
I went to pick up the boys at school shortly after the phone call. While waiting I opened up my Bible randomly. Here are the verses that spoke to me:
"I will sing to the Lord as long as I live. I will praise God to my last breath! May he be pleased by all these thoughts about him, for he is the source of all my joy." Psalms 104:33-34

Fear + Unbelief = bad days

I have received so many great emails after posting on my blog yesterday. I continue to be amazed. Pieces of knowledge from so many people are wonderful and they all seem to tap on just what I need to hear.

I felt compelled earlier to reflect on all that I have been through in the last few months - concentraing on various emails and notes received. I went back and read some emails I received at the beginning of this journey.

One of the first emails I received quoted Dodie Osteen in her book, Healed of Cancer: "Did you know that Jesus took not only your sins on the cross but also your sicknesses. He bore in His body anything that causes you heartache, poverty, oppression, depression, pain, suffering, etc. Jesus took it all. Matthew 8:17 refers to Isaiah's prophecy about Jesus, saying, 'He himself took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses.' If Jesus took your sickness then there is no need to bear it."

There is no need for my fear.

Another friend sent me an email today and used some quotations from the book You Were Born for This:

“…fear is a fruit, not the root. The root is unbelief in our hearts..."
"We don’t tear down unbelief in our hearts by trying to muster up our courage or fan the flames of emotion. We tear it down by rejecting the lies, claiming the truth, and acting on it..."

I have come so far in such a short time. I WILL NOT FEAR and I DO BELIEVE God has not finished his work in me yet!

bloody monday

I went to have bloodwork taken today. Nothing out of the normal...until I got to the elevetor and a woman pointed at my arm and said to get back to the clinic asap. The blood was soaking through the pads and getting everywhere.
It has stopped now. But with some of these other symptoms I am getting concerned (even though people tell me my coloring looks good, etc.). I have left a message for my doctor - but I do not think there is much they can tell me at this point until they get the results from that blood.
So many other things are going on too and I know the devil is after me. Admittedly, I am getting depressed.
Please pray.

Maybe its just the Christmas sweets!

I woke up this morning and had gained 4 pounds in 2 days. This is not good - it is what led to my last hospital visit. While I do not notice the usual bloating that goes along with this, it does cause concern. Maybe I can just chalk it up to the Christmas sweets!
I am getting bloodwork in the morning and it will be sent to the liver doctor. Let's just pray it is something minor that goes away on its own or that a twinge of my medication can erradicate.
Thank you all! Enjoy this CHRISTmas season!

PS: I will let you know if I hear from the doctor! A phone call from the doctor is NOT good at this point!

War Games

What does that bring to mind?
I always think of the movie or the computer games, etc. Sometime, when I can handle getting all fired up, I will read about the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars.
Lately for me, it makes me think of the Alamo project Jared just finished (brag: he got a 100!). The Alamo was just a battle: the Texans lost it but they won the revolution!!!
In Jesus Calling this morning it talked about the evil attacks on the Christian's mind. We are "engaged in massive warfare, spiritually speaking." Oh how I have been needing to reminded of this! Satan and his evil warriors are working hard on me.
Anyone who knows me knows I am not a big fan of doctors. The whole process (trying to get a good appt time, parking at the medical center, WAITING forever in the waiting room and then even longer in the examination room - and on and on) is just a pain (ha!). That is part of the reason I landed myself in the hospital - ignoring the symptoms just to avoid the doctor.
After my stay at the hospital and all my appointments, I was finally comfortable. Doctors: no big deal - even the (earthly) one who holds the decision about my liver in his hands. That is intimidating.
I met Dr Galati's nurse practioner the week after being let out of the hospital. LOVE her! We got along and laughed together and I even emailed her with small questions. Well - thank you devil very much! She has left the pratice.
All these things are going through my mind now (will he have a good replacement, will I now get put on the backburner, I am not even remotely looking forward to my next appt, etc.)
This, my friends, I know, is just a battle and I am going to win the war but I need my army behind me.
Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules and reading this blog and saying a quick prayer for me.

People in Elmhurst are hurting

It was simply a case of the right bulbs going out at the wrong time. But passers-by couldn't be blamed for thinking a smirking prankster, or something much darker, was responsible when they looked up at the neon sign for Elmhurst Hospital in Queens, N.Y., which then displayed the ominous phrase "I'm hurt." When The New York Times showed Elmhurst spokesman Dario Centorcelli a photo of what a missing E and S had wrought, he seemed surprised. "Oh, God, are we going to get this fixed?" he wondered.We can only hope the hospital stays more on top of the situation when patients come in hurt and in need of fixing.

I saw this buried in my AOL news headlines a few weeks ago. For some reason, it really caught my attention (and not necessarily just because I thought "How did an employee at the hospital not notice this before?" and "Who the heck hired this spokesperson?").

I thought: How appropriate! It is just so obvious: people that are hurt go to hospitals. It would be as if all restaurants had a sign outside that said, "I am hungry," or better yet a sign outside Nordstrom's that says "I need a shoe fix." (OK - that last one was for me.)

BUT people are hurting in so many ways that do not lead to the hospital: lack of money in this recession and during this time of year when their kids need gifts, marriage problems, their first holiday season without loved ones, etc.

I sometimes wonder if we should not make t-shirts and give them away - a shirt that says, "I hurt." Would it not be a great sociology experiment if people were to wear these shirts when they were having a bad day? Would people ask the wearer about it, or go home and google it because they wanted to know if it was some new cause, or just look at the shirt and ignore it in their busy-ness? In line with my previous "soup" post today about practicing aloha, I think it would be great to picture everyone we encounter as if they are wearing a "I Hurt" t-shirt. Wonder what would happen...

What is the soup of the day?

I am bummed. Do you know what is one of the worst things you can eat when on a low sodium diet? You got it...soup.

A day like today (freezing cold) would be the BEST day for a hot and sour soup from Nit Noi!!! Does anyone know the chef there? Maybe I can convince him to make with no msg and fake salt.

I will just have to channel my thoughts to a beach in Maui. Speaking of: it has only been few days since the holiday season started and I have already noticed the stress of people I encounter. This is the time for me to "practice aloha.". (By the way, I have extra practice aloha bumper stickers and can always get plenty more! They don't have to go on the car - they can also go on your frig, your daytimer, your childs notebook or backpack, anything. Let me know if you want any. Let's spread the word this season!!!)

sap does not just come from trees

I would like to say that I have not written on my blog lately just because of busy-ness. But if I was to be honest I would say it is really because I keep thinking there is going to be some cute joke or saying or story that is lighthearted which I can share with you. I do not want people to be sad when they read the words each time they log in.
I HAVE laughed and I have been having fun, but nothing funny to me lately seems significant enough (or appropriate - ha!) to post. So until God sends to me something I think is lighthearted and feel a need to share, you will have to read the sappy stuff.
I have had plenty of very emotional thoughts, read so many great stories, quotes, poems and the like. God is truly speaking to me daily in all that I do.
The holidays are here and all the shopping, parties, giftwrapping, etc. have begun. To some it may be just another year to "get it all done," spend some extra time with family, go to that candlelight service and such. Yes, many of you who read this blog will not forget the "Christ" in Christmas or the reason for the season. I approached the holidays as I always do until something hit me squarely between the eyes last week: this could be my last holiday season on Earth. (I warned you it would be sappy!) cry...cry...
I have always heard so many people who have lost loved ones say, "This is our first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, etc. without so and so." Boy that really holds meaning for me now! Here I am wanting and begging God to let me have many more holiday seasons with my family by giving me a new liver. The problem: that means I am also praying for someone else to not have any more Christmas' with their family. I have got to wrap my arms around this concept and believe God has a true purpose for this illness and all that comes with it!
In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my family and friends and praise God for the wonderful life I have had SO FAR.

continued prayer

All day long God has been bringing the word "prayer" to me - from different readings and people. So many of you have been sending me words of encouragement, poems, prayers, etc. I love all of them and each one speaks to me and gives me hope. Today a friend sent this prayer that touched my heart:

"Please Lord heal this servant and allow her to be here on earth to raise her children and be a helpmate to her husband and a wise counselor to her family and friends, we pray this in Jesus mighty and powerful name - Amen!"

I had to take Payne to the doctor a couple of weeks ago. He just hates going to the doctor. He is afraid of shots. We had to sit in the examination for 1 hour which only got him more stirred up. He then started chanting something silently. After a couple of minutes, I understood him to be saying "Please don't make me take a shot."
Then...he saw the doctor in the hallway going into another room, so he put his hands together in prayer asking God not to let the doctor give him a shot. I could not resist and took a picture...

It was hard for me to ask for a miracle because I thought it was self-centered. But that is how God teaches us to pray: like children. Our children come to us and ask us for crazy-over the top requests (that usually only benefit themselves), but we would be upset if they did not come to us and ask us for anything.

I believe I am here today because I know that my prayer warriors - just like persistent children asking their father - have gotten me to where I am today and I ask that you continue to do so.

3 weeks turns into 2 months

Two months ago today I was told I had 3 weeks to live. I will keep praising God on all of these anniversaries. I have to hope and pray there will be more - because I still think there is a purpose for me to have a pulse - a plan that I still need to be on this earth in which to finish.

Thank you to all of you, my prayer warriors! God is working a miracle! I feel it is because of this army that I believe, and have hope, this miracle will occur.

Me Ke Aloha Pumehana, Dawn

another medical visit...with a story...

Many people have said I will have so many stories from this experience...

At the phlebotomist's (I just had to use that big word to sound knowledgable - it is the word for the person who takes your blood but sure sounds like a big deal doctor, doesn't it?) office today:

I got on the elevator with a man who fell asleep standing up. He looked like he had a tough night. The bell that announces we are at our floor scared him out of his sleep and he yelped. Did I forget to tell you we were only on the 6th floor?

He got off the elevator ahead of me and went straight to the bathroom. I went to the office, checked in, and sat in the waiting room.

Guess who walked in?
Sure enough: my tired elevator partner with his newly created specimen in hand. Maybe I am being negative but I am pretty sure he may fail the urine test.

puts it all in perspective...

This a continuation from my last post. I will continue to remember this cute greeting card a friend sent me.

Inside it says "A bad day is all about perspective."

This really has been a good week. I got to go to a play at the Alley Theater and Thursday we went to a special performance hosted by the Fort Bend Arts Council. Last night I got to go see the winning SBS Eagles football team win their playoff game. I got to see so many people i had not seen in a while and everyone was so encouraging.

There were a couple of days there that I was really tired and then starting imagining things (yellow eyes getting worse, etc.). Those were the days that were really out of my control. I just need to keep praying for a miracle.

Then there were days where days and incidences happened that were OUT of my control. At the end of the day, the lady at Verizon is not going be nice and help me, the substitute teacher at school will continue to be a little rough, and a good friend, whom I had hoped would be friends for years to come, will just not like you anymore because of a misunderstanding.

In most cases people just are not going to change. I cannot change them. Instead, I can just pray for those people who I do not know personally. I have no idea if bad situations have befallen them recently.

In the case of the friend - this was the hardest of all this week and caused me to lose some sleep - all I can do is pray our friendship can be restored.
In all honesty: this is probably not how I would have handled it all before my illness - anybody want to speak up to that? (OK - don't get me wrong I will admit something now: maybe I was not so nice to both ladies lack of help and attitude - but since then I have prayed for them and I have prayed for myself and my response - at least I am progressing.)

God is teaching me to be patient - I am a patient with patience, I hope.

I am also going to remember this daily in these circumstances

why?

Do you ever have one of those days that start out perfectly and then something beyond your control just ruins them?
This has now happened 2 days in a row now.
Why? The devil?
I cannot help but think that this is not good for my health.

where are my delivery phone numbers?

It is a good thing I went to the ranch for rejuvenation. Tonight I start doing our family meals again. Am I ready for this - or better yet are my boys? Ha! Now if I could only find those illusive pots and pans...

Things I Should say...

What a great few days for my health - mentally and physically.

On the spur of the moment Thursday, Clay said I could take off to the ranch alone. That is the first time I have been REALLY alone since going into the hospital. All I did was read and rest. Clay even survived getting a phone call from the school nurse! It helped my spirits in that I know things CAN be taken care of by others and I do not have to be superwoman.

It really boosted my energy (I went to Sunday school and church yesterday - it was great to be back)!

And it really gave me some alone time to reflect on some things and to clear my head.I have so many thank you's (that need just the right words) for so many people it has been overwhelming. Reflecting about words you want to say to others reminded me of a song someone recently sent me:
http://www.sidewalkprophets.com/ecard/?psid=google

Things should be said before it takes a crisis. But if there is a crisis, make sure there is nothing left unsaid.

doctor's appointment

The doctors says I am good! Yippee!

Thank you for all of your prayers!

I do have to make some changes to medication and still have to watch the following:
1) Keep away from the flu and all sicknesses
2) Get plenty of sleep
3) Remain stress-free
4) Keep giving blood every other other week so they can continue testing
5) Watch my diet
etc.

In other words, keep doing what I have been doing because it is working. The following was stressed to me: Just because of a good report, don't put your life back in overdrive! You are still a very sick woman who needs to treat herself as such.

the waiting room - woops (think an unedited one went through)

I wish I could actually send you this post immediately but I have not figured out how to post from my blackberry yet.

So here is what I wrote as I sat in the doctor's waiting room:

Jared read our daily devotional today. It sure hit home.

It was about Bethany Hamilton, the 13 year old surfer who was on her way to surfing stardom before her arm was bitten off by a shark.

This is what the devotional said:
"After the shark took her arm, her spirits didn't dampen. In fact, she told one of her friends that she was this happened to her because then she could tell the whole world about God.Even without her arm, Hamilton knows her future is bright - whether its in surfing, photography, or whatever else she wants to do. With God as her Savior, Bethany's not worried. She even competed again ten weeks after the accident. As followers of Jesus Christ, we shouldn't fret about what's going to happen to us, either. No matter what happens - good or bad - God can use it for our benefit."

Here we go...

haunting fears

Worrying stinks. It makes me tired and irritable.

I have read and read about how worrying does not help a situation. I can know these things but the devil still likes to work on me. It is just a matter of overcoming these fears.

I am ready for my appointment to be over on Monday!!!

rest

Earlier after I posted on my blog today that I was not feeling well. One of my good friends sent an email to me that says, "I think maybe you're doing too much - SLOW DOWN and prop up those feet... I know that when you're feeling better, you're the kind of person who wants to go out and do things..." Think she knows me?
Yesterday, my Christian counselor said, amongst many other words of wonderful advice, "The 'to-do' (as in a to-do list) is 'to be' today. Be still, aware and grateful."
Today in the mail I received a greeting card from some old family friends that said, "...My presence shall go with the thee, and I will give thee rest." (Exodus 33:14) and "May the peace of God's presence bring rest during your time of illness and healing for your body."

I am wondering if Someone is trying to tell me something...

Is the other shoe about to fall?

Please pray for me. While I generally feel well, I can feel some of the symptoms that put me in the hospital: tiredness, some swelling, etc.
I had blood taken today and have an appointment with my liver transplant doctor on Monday.

I woke up this morning worrying and then realized the problem: I have been too busy to take care of myself in the correct manner. In my quiet time God reminded me that "Life is a walk, not a race."
In looking back through my previous blogs, I discovered I had used that quote about 6 weeks ago . If only I took heed of my own words! Slow down and concentrate on what is important, Dawn! Do not get stressed - it it harmful to your health.

Three days after I posted the "walk, not run" quote, there was a post about my cankles. That certainly is one way to get my attention. I could barely walk (picture me on the motorized carts at HEB and Target). You can't very well run if you cannot walk!

I do not want to get to that place again - so it is time to make a bold move and attach the pictures from the day when I checked into the hospital. I am about 50 pounds less than than that now. That is how much fluid how built up in me. UGH!

the delivery man cometh...

I have been agonizing over sending this email (or post depending how you are reading it) for a few days now. Our family has truly enjoyed every meal! What a blessing it has been to us! (Of course, my kids are still a little shocked at homemade meals - ha! I hope they are not too used to it!)

The agonizing comes in because I am honestly scared that when I say that I think I can try handling it now that things will change again.

An aside: last time I went to the doctor and he asked how I felt, I was scared to tell him "good" and told him as such. He responded by saying, "Are you just waiting for the other shoe to drop?" and I nodded. He said this was common among his patients.What is not common, however, is that I have God and I can trust in Him!

That being said, we are going to give this a try and have the meals stop coming November 8(the delivery people miss us anyway). Thank you again - and thank you for your continued prayers!

The Trozzo's

Run in the Rain...

I am sitting here watching the clouds roll in while clearing out my email inbox. I am taking the time to read some touching emails. I hope to respond to them soon. This one (from an elementary school friend that has been a treasure to me during this time) particularly touched me today as I wait for the rain to come. Many of you have probably read it before, but it cannot hurt to read it again:

A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.
It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.
We all stood there, under the awning, just inside the door of the Target. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.
I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, 'Mom let's run through the rain,'she said.
'What?' Mom asked.
'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated.
'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.
This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through the rain.
''We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.
'No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning,' the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
''Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!''
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one left.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.
Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said.Then off they ran.
We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles.
They got soaked. They were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

please...

...pray for me.

This is not something to do with my health - although any stress can greatly affect my health (which I have seen the past few days).

Please pray for relief from emotional stress that I am feeling and help me in dealing with relationships in a whole new way now because of my illness. Please let me be understanding that others cannot know what I am going through and I have to tell them what I need instead of assuming they know what can help me - and what does not help me.

Thank you.

the 17th

One month ago today I was told I probably only had 3 weeks to live. We showed them!

Thank you for all your prayers!

Most especially - thank you God that we can expect miracles!

I will continue to follow these milestones on the 17th of every month. March 17 will be 6 months. That will most likely be when they evaluate me for the transplant. Please pray that I can send out another post that day which says: "We showed them!"

Two Young Boys

Things have been going so well healthwise that most of these posts have been about what I have been learning about God and myself. In this time I have neglected some things (or "someone's") important: my 2 sweet little boys.

So this time I am not writing this post to tell you about something I have learned, but to ask for your help: any advice or suggestions you can give me about dealing with kids and a parent's sickness (and, of course, please pray for them).

Jared and Payne are the strong silent types (wonder where they get that from - SMILE) so it is hard to tell how they are handling this situation.

No - nothing dramatic has happened. I just want to stay on top of the situation. I don't want them permanently affected by my illness - unless it is for the better.

On Wednesday, I had parent/teacher conferences and their wonderful teachers said they are thriving in school. One teacher said their class prays for me every day. My son won't pray himself but if prayer time has not happened yet, he reminds the teacher so his class can pray for me.

Yesterday, Payne read a daily devotional (we 3 read this book almost every morning on the way to school) to Jared and me. It was about Walter Payton. Great reading but a little silence in the car when it said, "Sadly, Payton died of a liver disease in 1999 at age 45." Ugh!

Yet another trip to the doctor...

And it was great news! I do not know how to explain the details of what looks good from my bloodwork - but suffice it to say the doctor was very happy.
We adjusted some of my medications (down to 1 potassium horsepill from 4).
I will still have to get my bloodwork and go in for check-ups - not to mention other appointments.
The doctor did stress that I have to be closely monitored for another 5 months. I am by no means out of the woods yet but I am obviously doing all the right things (and God is working miracles). This requires still getting plenty of rest - which he is most cautious about right now - and keeping on the low sodium diet as much as possible.
Thank you all for your prayers - but please do not stop now! As the doctor said, things could change in a heartbeat.
I just got back from taking Jared to the doctor. He has a bronchial infection but the doctor is giving him flu medication to be cautious for my sake. The flu could land me right back in the hospital - so I am washing my hands liberally. Please pray for our household and sweet little Jared because this will likely throw him out of football for the week.

Coincidence (or what I like to call "God things"):
While I was in the hospital, Jared befriended a new boy in his grade, Clark. I had never met the mother or any of the family. Clay and Clark's parents worked out some play dates with the boys.
No one had told Clark's Mom I was in the hospital or at home sick. She must have thought I was some sort of absentee mother because she also had left messages on the home machine I was not checking (and Clay does not have the code).
Clark's Mom, Brenda, finally caught wind of my condition.
I have still not met Brenda or the rest of Clark's family but Jared has been over there some more and is really enjoying it.
Brenda emailed me today while I was writing this post. She mentioned she had read the blog briefly a COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO (this is key) but had not read it since.
She said Lamentations 3 has helped her through hard times, so I just now read it.
1) This chapter (and others) in Lamentations are acrostic POEMS. Can you believe my post last night talked about me wanting to read more poems?
2) Last week I wrote about practicing aloha. This is from the notes of the Life Application Bible regarding Lamentations 3:21: "God's compassion never ends. Compassion is love in action." Aloha = love in action!!!

The Lakes I Did Not Enjoy...

This morning I went to see a movie called "Bright Star-" a "chick flick" to which I hated to subject Clay. It is a love story involving the famous poet John Keats.

A quote from the movie has stuck with me. I have not researched enough to know if it is actually from a Keats poem or the writer of the movie took liberties.

“The point of diving in a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore; it’s to be in the lake, to luxuriate in the sensation of water. You do not work the lake out.”

How often do I rush through things without enjoying them or learning from them?

Do I do my DQT's first thing in the morning because I know it is the right thing to do or because I want to get closer to God?
Do I try to get through each day trying to attempt just marking items off my to-do list? Or do I sometimes ignore that list so I can concentrate on an important relationship?
All of these actions and many others accumulate to make a life missing out on a lot.

This "wake-up call" of my liver disease is one way of God telling me to enjoy life - get closer to Him so I know him even better than I will in Heaven (and pass God's lovingkindness on to others), get closer to my family and friends, get closer and apprecaite nature and all that is around me, and the list could go on.

An aside:John Keats died in Rome and is buried at the bottom of the Spanish steps. Clay and I were there a couple of years ago - and chose not to go to the museum dedicated to Keats and a fellow poet. Let's be realistic: how many people really liked or understood poetry in high school and college? Today I have gone online and read some incredible quotes from poems. I think I may get it now - and am anxious to continue to study poetry (so if anyone has suggestions please let me know). That is another example of a "lake" I did not enjoy.

P.S. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with Dr. Galati for a check-up and for a follow-up on all my bloodwork. Please pray for good results. Thank you.

Practice Aloha

I received a big package the other day from one of my best friends in Maui. It had all sorts of goodies in it - like macadamia nuts (all kinds - including the chocolate covered - yum) pineapple gummy bears, etc.

There was something in the box that my friend probably did not think much about when sending it to me. It is a simple bumper sticker. I am sure she threw it in the package for fun - and maybe as an afterthought. After all it is something we say a form of to eachother all of the time.

It says: "Practice Aloha."
It may not mean a lot to you - but it gives me immense comfort. Whether you know it or not, you are "practicing Aloha" right now.
In a (macadamia or coco-)nut shell it means, "Breath of Life."

That is powerful for a person who was told about 3 weeks ago they are standing on the brink of death. Not only did God initially give me the Breath of Life, and continues to do so, all of you and others - my family, my friends, and even strangers - give me hope, and therefore a breath of life, with your prayers, kind words, acts of kindness, etc.

Here are some versions of what practicing aloha means to some Hawaiians themselves:
1) Caring or treating someone the way you would like to be cared for or treated - and doing it with a smile that is genuine and sincere.
2) Aloha is love.
3) A couple says that in their house when things are getting stressed, they say they need to get things done "aloha style: slowly, gently, with peace in our hearts, softly, with love..."
4) Choosing to see the good (and thus creating more of it.)

Other key phrases:"Aloha ke Kahi. I ke Kahi." = Love one another.
"Aloha ke Akua" = God is Love

My golf pro and good friend in Maui wrote to me when hearing about my illness. He ended his letter with this:
Me Ke Aloha Pumehana= With warm love

So I say to you all now,Mahalo (Thank you) andMe Ke Aloha Pumehana

P.S. You can now find this sticker on the back of my car - so if you see it, honk, wave and say a little prayer!

the common cold for liver patients

Have you wondered where I have been or has it been nice for you to take a break from my "thoughts" and "observations?"
It has been a crazy week. Admittedly, the reason I was not writing was because I was so busy "getting things done." And I did get so much done - around the house, errands, etc. In the back of my mind I probably knew I was doing too much. I was so busy I was not even in His Word enough. Let's me say: "God, I have learned the lesson.". (Famous last words...)
In one of my previous blogs or emails I mentioned how my immunity system is down and I really have to watch my exposure to germs. IT IS TRUE!!! While just a common cold for most, it turns into a long process for liver patients.
I had to go to my GP for him to tell me I had a cold and presribe me a nasal spray, an antibiotic and something else (it is all a blur - this is about the time Clay can answer your questions better). Then it is a trek to the medical center for an appointment with my liver doctor. I was so so tired and sick I laid on that uncomfortable examination table and attempted sleep. Dr Galati would not let me have one of the GP's medications because the other would really affect my liver badly.
I have been in bed since - not able to lift a finger until about an hour ago.

Let me say a big thank you to Clay. This is all new to him and he has been a trooper. It cannot be easy having to be "Mr. Mom" on a moment's notice." He even missed his Member's Championship this weekend! So if you see him, please let him know he is appreciated - and maybe offer to go play a little golf with him. :):)

From the notes of the Life Application Bible for Joshua 3:9: "Just before crossing over into the Promised Land, Joshua gathered the people to hear what the Lord thier God had said. Their excitement was high. No doubt they wanted to rush on, but Joshua made them stop and listen. We live in a fast-paced age. We feel we have to rush just to keep up. It is easy to get caught up in our tasks, becoming too busy for what God says is most important - taking time to hear from him. Before making your schedule, take time to focus on what God wants from all your activities. Knowing what God has said before you rush into your day may help you avoid foolish mistakes."

a long time

It has been a while since I have posted. I have been overwhelmed - both good and bad.

Bad - still not getting much sleep. Not much sleep leads to not getting things done - which leads to items I need to do get caught up on. Do I sound like a broken record?
Sleeping pill - here I come tonight!
I emailed a friend this morning and she said, "I am so sorry...insomnia is horrible. Don't feel guilty about sleeping during the day....you cannot maintain your health without sleep. It isn't a luxury...it is required." I think I am going to write that on a post-it note on my vanity.
Funny side story: At Memorial Hermann Hospital (the first one) my doctor came to check on me in the because I had the afternoon off from any procedures and had some free time. I told him I was having someone from the spa come and give me a hand and foot reflexology massage and a manicure. He laughed and said , consider yourself a "Lady of Luxury" now. The entire floor of nurses, etc. did not even know they had a spa where people would come to your room and give you a treatment!

Which leads me to the good - I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who have sent encouraging comments on my blog and via email and sent me cards and flowers and edible arrangements, etc. - not to mention the meals. Thank you all so much! Please know that your thoughts and prayers are truly cherished. Along those lines, please bear with me if I have not responded to an email or something yet. I am looking at my AOL account now and I have 927 emails I need to respond to and intend to attack tonight (and some that I would like to pray over before responding).
Life Application Bible: In the notes of Mark's profile, it says under lessons from his life, "Encouragement can change a person's life."
New Living Translation: Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Notes from the Life Application Bible about this Hebrews verse: "Others have run the race and run and their witness stirs us to run and win also. What an inspiring heritage we have!"

P.S. Praise: found my Jesus Calling book!

complaining

I am having one...please pray. I was so tired after feeding boys this morning I slept until 11am and still tired. I cannot find my Jesus Calling devo book or my to-do list. I can understand the to-do list because God may just want me to sit - but my devo book?
I to do some normal things:
1)go buy something but Clay would not approve (which is understandable).
2) go to a nice dinner where the chef understands my limitations.
3) so many other things...
I am sorry to vent but it is one of those days.

The Greek/Turkish Bracelet

I have been waiting to write this post for weeks (but other things got in the way and maybe it was just God's right timing). I am writing about this subject because my DQT revealed some new things to me this morning about my story and hopes of Greece and Turkey - just as many verses and books I have happened on in the last few weeks have done.

In my devotional book today called Streams in the Desert (don't you just love that symbolism?) the main verse is Acts 16:7: "When they came to the border of Mysian they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to."

Admittedly, I thought, "what in the world? How can they make a good lesson out of this verse?" A friend gave the book to me at the hospital on Sunday and is a true scholar of the Bible. Maybe he mixed the book up with one he was supposed to give it to - a friend that has much more insight into the Bible.

Seemed a pretty negative verse to me - after all Paul and his friends were just trying to get to the next destination to spread God's Word. What struck me was that Paul was mentioned -yet again popping up in my readings and thoughts. An example of this is from Twelve Extraordinary Men: He was not one of the 12 disciples but was an apostle He was an apostle "born out of due time." I like that.

All of this to get to the point of my fascination with Paul and his connection with Greece and Turkey:
We went on a family trip (Clay, me, Jared and Payne, my parents, and my brother and his family) to Greece and Turkey at the beginning of August. I should have had a wonderful time, but I could not. This was when the disease really hit me and I was still in the dark about the ramifications of the illness. All I knew is that I wanted to sleep all of the time, Clay had to hold me when attempting to go up ruins or stepping off a sidewalk, my balance was really off, plus many other things. Who knew at the time it would be just a matter of time that I would find myself where I am now: in a fight for my life.

The picture on the blog is the last picture taken of me in Greece. I bought a leather bracelet there that you will see me wearing all the time. These are reminders to me that I will get back to Greece and Turkey some day in perfect health. Expect Miracles! Greece and Turkey...where Paul and I can take a journey together.

boys

At night they get to randomly pick a passage out of their Kanakuk bibles to read. Tuesday night they randomly picked:
Luke 8:40-48

40 And it came to pass, that, when Jesus was returned, the people gladly received him: for they were all waiting for him.
41 And, behold, there came a man named Jairus, and he was a ruler of the synagogue: and he fell down at Jesus' feet, and besought him that he would come into his house:
42 For he had one only daughter, about twelve years of age, and she lay a dying. But as he went the people thronged him.
43 And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any,
44 Came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched.
45 And Jesus said, Who touched me?When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
46 And Jesus said, Somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.
47 And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately.
48 And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace

I will be writing this on a post-it note tonight and hang on my vanity mirror: from the New Living Translation: Luke 8:48 "...your faith has made you well. Go in peace."

Take from this what you will but I believe God is touching Jared and Payne through this experience as well...

health care reform

How about doctor office reform? I never understand the repetitive paperwork. Has anyone seen the new scantron (think college) papers they have you fill out now? I think those tree people ought to go after the doctors.
I am still sitting here for my follow-up appointment with my liver doctor after taking 30 minutes to fill out the paperwork.
What do people with 2 broken arms do when they become new patients with doctors? Yes, that is indeed what I asked the lady. (Remember that old blog referring to my comment to the fast food window person? Obviously, today I am not taking heed of the "be patient" motto.)

liver transplant

At about 5pm last night I was discharged from the hospital. I apologize to anyone who may have gone up there afterwards and did not find me. When they told me I could leave, it took me about 10 minutes to pack before I practically ran to the door.
While I am very excited to be home - the hard work now begins. This will be a little dry but I am trying to answer your questions about where I am (and maybe I have misinterpreted some of the information but I am sure the doctor and I will be spending plenty of time together and he will straighten me out on anything I am not understanding). This will be helping me too in getting all of this straight in my head - and I thank you for the opportunity to help me do that. You may have a question, not an opinion or a recommendation unless you are a liver specialist, that I had not thought of and I can ask the doctor.

Obviously, there are more people who need a new liver than people can donate a liver, so to get a liver transplant is quite a process. My doctor is very strict about the people who he recommends get a new liver - which is very understandable. You only get one chance to get on the liver transplant list and you want to make sure you are prepared to be approved. This is a process that will take at least 6 months. For this time I will be evaluated on the following:

1) No more episodes. In other words no more stays at the hospital. Each time I spend time in the hospital is a mark against me. Most of what led me to this past stay was the fluid build-up (mostly caused by salt in my diet - I am new to this thing and learning about sodium) and getting adjusted to the new medications.
2) Another thing that can send me to the hospital is an virus or infection or a sickness that is commonly caught by people - BUT my immunities are very low and I do take medications for this problem. But I have to really watch who I am around and use a lot of anti-bacterial sops, wipes, etc.

Wouldn't you know that these 6 months fall right in the middle of flu season?

3) I need to slowly build my energy back up. When I need to rest, I rest. When I have energy is when I try my best to do my errands. I do try to stay off my feet too much because that leads to fluid build-up also. I have to pace myself.

If you see me walking with my IPOD or lifting some weights, I am just trying to build my muscle back up. One of the symptoms of liver disease is that it eats at your muscle. I also have to take Ensure to deal with this problem.
4) I am on many medications and will also continue to take them. Bloodwork will be taken often and monitored and the medications will be adjusted accordingly.
5) I MUST stick to a low sodium diet. This is very hard but crucial. I am learning all about what foods I am have sodium. Nutrition labels are crucial to me right now. I see dieticians also - but I am open to any recipes or places that specialize in this area and make individual meals for you.

This means bascially no eating eating out (so sad!) without eating beforehand or eating just the salad and fruit and sweets (can you believe there are a lot of these low in sodium?)

6) I will continue seeing my Christian guidance counselor and they have added a psychiatrist that specializes in liver transplant patients.

*** All of these appointments and my diet are closely monitored by my doctor (Dr. Galati - http://www.texasliver.com/en/cms/35/). If I miss appointments with any of the above people, it is reported to him and any breaks in my diet. This all goes in my record that then goes to the people who decide whether I should receive a new liver,

All that being said, I would like to avoid a transplant. I would love to keep my own liver and have a new liver go to someone else! I am currently only functioning with 20% of a liver. This is where you come in. Please pray for a miracles in all of these areas. I know you have and I thank you and let's keep it going!
Soon I will write another post soon about changing doctors and about receiving the news of a liver transplant.

P.S. I do have a "point person" now. If you would like that information, please email me.

very important information!!!

At about 5pm last night I was discharged from the hospital. I apologize to anyone who may have gone up there afterwards and did not find me. When they told me I could leave, it took me about 10 minutes to pack before I practically ran to the door. Since then I have been trying to rest and get things done and spend time with the family.


It is great t0 be home, but please do not think that I am out of the woods. In fact, the work gets harder now to keep me alive.

Please bear with me. I have been working on an email, or post, that will explain where this is going now. There is so much to tell to help us all understand. I should have this done within the next few hours...

my DQT today

Quotes (from Jesus Calling) from my DQT this morning:

"Do not try to rush this process, because hurry keeps your heart earthbound."

All you that know me know that I always want things done fast. Admittedly, I have been known to say to the attendant at a fast food window, "I thought this was fast food...obviously we have different interpretations of fast." (Okay - that sounds a lot nicer here than when I actually say it.)

Well, it is apparent God has a different approach to fast also:
"Lay your requests before Me and wait in expectation."

Why is it I want my food fast yet I am willing to wait for surprises? I love surprises. It is definitely my language of love. I am not talking about general surprises (like a Longchamp purse from a good friend or a trip to a spa in Phoenix from my husband - just kidding), it can be just an inspirational quote via email or phone call, a card, etc. - but a surprise of a show of support and love.

My Christian guidance counselor has said that when I overcome this hurdle a big surprise for me will be how many acquiantences and strangers I will become friends with and how many new people I will meet that will tell me they prayed for me when I was sick. I am looking forward to that surprise!

Maybe God loves surprises too. A surprise to give him is my patience right now. I need to be a patient with patience.

"Step back from the noise and activity of your busy life and listen humbly and quietly for His guidance. It may come when you least expect it."

Have a great week!

PS: I do have bones to stand on! I can actually see my bones in my feet and ankles. A nice surprise...

An important message from Beth about Dawn

Dear Friends:
I don't know if you have heard but our dear friend , Dawn Trozzo, who some of you will remember chaired EagleFest a couple of years ago, is ill and in need of a liver tansplant.

This week we will be meeting in the chapel (come and go) from 8-10am Monday through Friday (except Thursday it will be in Parlor B) to pray for a miracle in healing for her and her family. Please drop in to pray for this serious matter. If you have any other prayer warriors, would you please pass this on inviting them or ask them to pray for Dawn Trozzo and her family? (She welcomes, even covets, encouraging emails and prayers via email dwtrozzo@aol.com also).

Thank you.

She has a prayer pager with her and if you would call 713-200-0940 and follow the prompts. It will encourage her that she is not alone through this battle and she will know she is being prayed for.

Thank you again and please pass it on.

Beth Williams Lee
832-724-6111 mobile
713-467-7937 fax

Sunday morning at Methodist Hospital

Every weekday morning that we go to school. It is our alone time and I hope starts therir days positively. I have missed doing this while in the hospital.
So I got out out the devotional book we use to read today's devotionals and write down some things that I thought pertinent for them. The book is called Devos for Sports Fans (can't imagine the boys would like that :):)) by John and Kathy Hillman.
Today's devotional was about a guy who aspired to be an official in the game of football. He reached his dream - only to call a touchdown on the 5th yard line of the first game he officiated!
"Without the courage to make drams a reality, we might as well not dream."

Verse
Joshua1:9
"I command you - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you whenever you go."
from the Life Applcation Bible
" Yes, be bold and strong! Banish fear and doubt! For remember, the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

It is amazing how God works. What I thought was going to be a good life lesson turned out to be something that directly applies to me and what a wonderful verse to start the week!

On a side note - a specific prayer:
Jared has pulled a leg muscle. He is out for a few games in football (his favorite sport). Please pray for fast healing for him! I am worried that this might be too much change for him right now. Thank you!

my new digs

I have arrived at The Methodist Hospital at the Medical Center in Houston.
Yippee for WIFI!
Here is the contact information:

The Methodist Hospital
6565 Fannin Street
Houston, Texas 77030
713-790-3311
Room #427

I am still accepting visitors! I would be remiss in not stating this:
All of you that have come by have really lifted my spirits! Thank you very much for all of you that prayed with me when you came to my room. This is what it is all about: HIM. I can only beat this disease with God on my side. "Obey God's Word and be healed." Exodus 15:26 and the New Living Version Translation states "If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying the commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you."I know this does not mean that just because I obey all of his laws from now on (as if anyone could ever do that because we are all sinners) but in the back of my mind it makes me wonder about the purpose this event is having in my life. Following Him closer, quitting all those nasty repetitive sins, and really digging into the Word is what I need to be doing: a sort of wake-up call. So the purpose of this disease is for me to really LIVE rather than die. Maybe my mission in life was always to help others in these instances (in whatever manner God has in store for me - and God has already got me thinking) and to help myself and others grow closer to Him.
My Christian Guidance counselor has a saying I am now stealing from him, "As long as I have a pulse, I have a purpose."

CHANGE OF PLANS!

I am moving to Methodist Hospital within the next 2 hours. It is a good thing that I will tell you about it later.
I just needed to get this post out so no one makes plans to come over to Memorial Hermann later today because I may already be gone.
As soon as I get to Methodist I will get you my information.
Additionally, the church has issued me a prayer pager. If you call it and the follow the instructions it will page me to let me know you have prayed for me! Thanks! #713-200-0940

visiting

I have a procedure sometime this morning - they say 9am but you have to be flexible (another lesson being learned). The procedure actually just takes 5 minutes but it is prep time and then recovery time that will take a bit. I think everything should be pretty much done by noon and it should be calm around here the rest of the day and I would love to have you come by if you would like to!!! I love you all!

apologies

I promised to be posting items soon after I wrote that initial post - but time got away from me. I am truly blessed with all of my friends and family. Thank you! Many people have come by and and it has really helped me with my spirits.
Anytime I think of negative things I know it is the devil. I need to concentrate on God and His miraculous ways and not what that sinister Devil and his negativity.
Matthew 8:2,3 :It is God's will for you to be healed!
From Life Application Bible Matt 8:2,3 ""Look! A leper is approaching. He kneels before him, worshipping. "Sir," the leper pleads, "if you want to, you can heal me." Jesus touches the man. "I want to," he says. "Be healed." And instantly the leprosy dissapears. (My notes from a sermon by Dr. Young: 1) the leper was humble - I need to be humble and let God do His work. 2) the leper admitted his need - I am no longer cautious about asking for help and trying to go it alone - It is HIM that will provise the miracle not any kind of "works" on my part - 3) the leper recognized God's authority - Oh, how I do! This will only happen through Him and alone!!!)
NOTES FROM LIFE APPLICATION BIBLE: "We must realize our inability to cure ourselves and ask for Christ's saving help."
from Dodie Osteen's book Healed of Cancer: "It is not God who made you sick, it's the devil."

My sister-in-law, Jess Trozzo, brought me a great CD yesterday of praise music that I am listening to this morning while waiting on my procedure. Love it! I would love it if you would share any inspirational songs with me. It does not have to be Christian music - just give me inspiration. The past month I have been listening alot to the song by Miley Cyrus called "The Climb." How significant: I am going to climb this mountain and stand at the top and scream about God's love (and then I will go get a stone massage.)

There is no easy way to say this...

The doctor just came to speak to my Mom and me. I was fully expecting good news because I feel so much better Really - ask anyone who has been up here).

While I have not gotten worse in the hospital - I have not gotten any better. I am most likely have to have a liver transplant because 80% of my liver is unusable. The doctor says I am literally on the brink of death and the next few weeks are crucial. WE HAVE TO PRAY FOR A MIRACLE RIGHT NOW. I must be here for my husband and my boys!

I hate having to do this via a blog or an email but I thought it best to get the news out as soon as possible. I have so much follow-up to say that will be coming in spurts but please pray now.

Many of you have called or emailed asking if you could come by and visit - and I would love for you to. I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU! Right now I am only scheduled for one procedure in the morning (none today except a blood transfusion and I am in my room for that and bored) so that may be the only time I will not be in the room. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE though - come in a spirit of happiness and prayer. I do not want to be asked questions. I want to enjoy everyone's company. I do not want to turn this into a crying deal. The stress will just hurt me more.

Again, I am sorry it had to come out his way but I covet your prayers now! Please watch for constant blogs (I am going to assume you are reading the blogs - but if you cannot or wish not, please send me your email address - even though I obviously already have it - but I want to make this easier) and I will start a master email list).

So many things to still say...I had a great DQT and will share with you later...EXPECT MIRACLES!!!

done with transfusions

I am finally done with my tranfusions and things seemed to have gone well. Please pray that tomorrow brings good news and I can break outta here!

blood transfusion 2

They just now started another bag of blood. So another 4 hours to go...

blood transfusion has begun

I was mistaken. My procedure was to happen in 5 minutes - not take 5 minutes. In fact, it will probably not be until 1am that this transfusion is done. So far, so good.
But I should take the time now to let you know to "give blood." I am not talking about for me immediately but in the future. It benefits me and all my buddies here in the hospital when we need these transfusions. If you decide to go to the Houston Blood Bank be sure to give them my name and DOB (2/18/69) and they will credit me.
Thanks.

blood transfusion

They are about to start one in 5 minutes. Please pray everything goes okay!

procedure done

The procedure is done! Yippee! They did not give me any drugs or anything so my recovery should be short for this procedure.
They 2 liters of liquid from me and that is making me feel better already. The liquid is going for tests but the doctor says he thinks I have an infection which is not uncommon among liver patients.
So today:
1) antibiotics
2) all my usual medications
3) this afternoon they will be giving me blood (rather than the usual 8 viles of blood they take from me). My body is not reproducing blood correctly. (Please forgive me if you are a doctor and I am mis-stating things.)

So this will be what they are monitoring right now. Please pray that all this works and I will be out of here Friday.

I am feeling good so feel free to email me or come on by!

yet another post

Are you sick of my posts yet? There might be many as I have alot of time on my hands - and I really need to keep occupied until noon because I cannot eat or drink anything until then.
I just had my quiet time. Some verses or items I read have stuck with me. There are many but I will share a few:
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body, and knit them together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!...Your workmanship is marvelous...You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe." Psalms 139: 13-16 Life Application Bible
I cannot help but feel at ease because of this passage. God knows - and I hope he will lend his handiwork to the doctors - what is going on inside my body. Let a miracle come to me through God's and the doctor's hands and get rid of this disease!

change of plans

They have told me the procedure will be about noon CST.

procedure

I wish I had details - but I am really one of those people that the less I know the better. They are about to come to get me for the procedure. Please pray it goes smoothly and that it is the only procedure I will have to go through while I am here.
I REALLY want to get out of this hospital sooner than later - and never come back! I miss my husband, my boys, my cat (and yes even my dog) - and just home in general.
Thanks for your prayers. I will keep you updated!

hospital

This will be going in an email to my non-blogger friends, so forgive me for repeating the blog website:

I have WIFI so check the blog! http://dawnshealth.blogspot.com
Remember: you do not have to "comment " on my actual blog. You can just take a look at it and email me.
I am checked into the hospital now. I am in room 1056. The phone number and the address of the hospital are as follows:
Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital
7600 Beechnut, Houston, TX 77074
713-456-5000

(But my cell phone works here, so if you would like to call, please call it. This phone in the room is OUTRAGEOUSLY loud!)

Many people have asked if they can come by. I cannot answer that questions yet. It is kinda a small room and I have not had any procedures done yet so I do not know how I will be feeling.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers! Still my biggest request: Relief and that I can get out of here quickly!

doctor

I wish I had good news - but I do not. I am on my way to check into the hospital now. Memorial Hermann Southwest. I should be there until at least Friday (please pray no more than that).
This is to relieve the edema. They are going to drain the fluid.
I will keep you posted via blog (I will just have to figure out if there is WIFI in my room, etc. Otherwise, I will try emailing.

middle of the night

I am up. I got so much done yesterday. In all honesty, I wanted to get a lot of things done because I wanted to keep my mind off of going to the doctor today. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my liver specialist - I would just like to know I am making some progress. I know it has only been 13 days since I took the first pills but it seems so much longer and I am not very patient (neither are those closest to me). Please pray for all of us to be patient and to continue to do "just what the doctor ordered".

out of control

The swelling has gotten out of control. It is now moving to my face (which admittedly has made me very sad today).
I did spend alot of time on my feet today because I had alot of energy. I just got out of my leg tights and the itching was so bad on my the back of my calves that I itched lines of blood.
Now I have them up and iced and need your prayers.
Thank you.

Cankles and what???

I know it may not seem like it because of the time I sent my blog last night but I am sleeping better these days - really! I am not sure if it because I have been wearing myself down or getting used to these meds but I like it!

Okay, okay, it is time to come clean: I don't just have cankles. I do not have a "cute" word for it - yet. But I feel I should prepare you. I have some swelling in my belly. No - not just swelling... I look like I am a good 8 months pregnant. This goes along with the cankles (caused by the disease).It is very uncomfortable - and a bit embarassing.

People I do not know tell say things like "good luck with your baby" or "when are you due?

"Here is where you come in: any good comebacks (if any)? (Careful people!). In general it does not bother me because I know it is just one thing I have to deal with - but it might be fun to think about responses.

On the physical ailment note: a friend suggested I make a picture book chronicling all these things that will eventually get me to good health (God willing). So don't be surprised if you are asked to take a pic with me with your small ankles and bellys (only exception being Amy when she begins showing her pregnancy - anyone else have anything to tell me?).

Wow - missing a couple of days of blogs really leads to a lot to say...

bad girl

It has been a long few days. That is why I haven't been writing on my blog.I cannot say that is because I have been feeling bad ):):): because I have been out and about. While it will probably keep me laid up later today (it has caught up). I did get a chance to hang out with some old, and some new, friends. All have been so sweet and encouraging! However, this has put me behind on my health and prayer journals. Am I allowed to take a break for a couple days (none of that is required but I like to do it)?

big decision

I made a big decision regarding my work load today. I do not feel it is right to get into detail here - but I wanted to let you know that I put alot of prayer and asked for Christian guidance over the decision.
This illness has really caused me to prioritize. At one time I used to say yes to everything. I just cannot do that anymore. Actually good has come of it: when I sit down with the boys in the afternoon or go to their scrimmages, etc. my mind is focused on them, not wandering everywhere else on all the other petty things I thought I had to do.
This is truly a learning experience - a good one even though sometimes things look bleak.

internet connection

Boy did I want to post on this blog last night, but I am having problems with my connection so I need to write now while I can. It sounds petty, but please pray for this connection and that it keeps up. I have a lot to do on the internet ans want to knock it out for my mental well-being. So little time and so many things to do.
I have a feeling it is going to be a great day. Clay let me sleep in and I plan on sitting here in my recliner most of the day to get the swelling down. It is already working. God is still teaching me to slow down.
As long as this connection keeps up today, I will post more. I have an appointment with my Christian guidance counselor today at noon. I am really looking forward to it. I have some big decisions to make.
Talk soon...

I am sorry

I apologize for my earlier rant. I think I needed to write it to get myself an attitude adjustment. It has been only about a 1/2 hour since I wrote the "paying the price" post but I already feel better. I am not sitting in my recliner with ice on my cankles and trying to wipe some items off my to-do list. And I have 2 horse pills down - 2 more to go and then 5 tablets (a light day).
My prayer is that tomorrow will be a good day!

paying the price

I had been having such a good week. I had so much energy and my cankles had gone down a bit. Right now I am miserable: tired and my cankles are HUGE. Picture a watermelon with little 5 LITTLE olives sticking out. OUCH! On top of that: I could eat us out of house and home. Someone could offer me cardboard with some chocolate sauce on it and I would eat it. All this leads to me being very tired and close to tears. I almost had a breakdown with Clay earlier and feel bad for it.
Please pray I get some energy and some comfort.
Thank you.

Labor Day

My sweet husband bought me a new recliner today. It is awesome!!!

In fact, right now I am sitting in it, working on my computer and eating some DELICIOUS banana bread a sweet friend baked for me.

The question now: how is Clay going to get me out of this chair because it is so comfortable I may not leave it.

Girls: Encouragement Party - Save the date!

Some friends are giving me an "encouragement party" on September 19, 2009 from 4:30pm until 6:30pm at my house. It will be a very casual come and go open house. Light appetizers will be served (so you can then go grab some dinner).
I wanted to let you know because I would really like to see you!
There will be more details to come from my friends (either through email or snail mail). Hope to see you then!

Dawn

P.S. Once again, there is a very good chance I have accidentally left someone off this list. Please feel free to pass it on. The more the merrier!

timing

Many of you know how much a care about being on time everywhere I go. Well, I am learning a lesson.
When you are sick, it seems like things take twice as long to get done so I have been late so many times. It can be very frustrating.
I feel like I have spent so much time just preparing to be prepared. For instance: I can't leave the house for the day without my daytime pills. So I have had to put a ziploc next to my blackberry so I do not forget to take them with me. I call things like this "triggers." But just getting the triggers in place has taken a long time.
Another adjustment...

cankles

I may be working on very little sleep right now - but I can see my ankles. Woo-hoo!

Please just pray that I do not try to overdo it just because I think I am doing better.

pills, contd.

2:45am
Clearly the drowst pill is not working tonight. UGH!

pills

It is a light night - only 9 pills tonight. A new medication makes me very drowsy. So if you get any weird emails from me in the next few hours, please ignore them. :):):)

Still pretty swollen today. Stayed at home all day TRYING to get organized and leaving me feet up.

blogs in general

I had a thought this morning. Is doing this being selfish? It seems odd that I am just writing about myself while not be able to talk to all of you and see what is going on with you. If you wouldn't mind, please email me and keep me posted on YOU.
Maybe what brought this up is because I hadf such a big day yesterday and so much to say and I don't want to bore you.
So for now I will just continue with the blog yesterday about the horse pills. Remember how excited I was about getting ready for the pills of potassium rather than drink the horrible liquid, Boy I am glad I ordered those pills...because...
I get a call yesterday afternoon from my doctor. He got in some blood results and he called to tell me to DOUBLE my dosage of...you got it...potassium.

medicine

I am feeling refreshed today. And my Mom is finally home. Yippee!

This potassium they gave me to take is in liquid form. Imagine taking bubble bath, butane and cascade and mixing together and take a shot of it every night. Guess what? That is what potassium tastes like. So I went to my pharmacist this morning and begged for it in the form of tablets. He said: "they are horse pills." I said it did not matter if they were big enough to choke an elephant, I would rather have them ... they will be ready this afternoon.

The speed of life is a walk, not a run. Is one lesson to me to slow down?

UGH!

My ankles are as big, if not bigger than my neck. I will be bedridden tomorrow - luckily no meetings and I can sit with my feet up and work from bed.

counselor

I saw my Christian counselor today. It was awesome! He just battled cancer ( that he very nearly lost to) and he has some great things for me to think about. More refreshment for the day. God is good.

sleep

The doctor had given me permission to take Benadryl for my insomnia. I did not have to take it. All the medication helped that last night. I laid down thinking I would be up in a minute. I slept pretty much 6 hours straight! Yes, it is early but I feel refreshed!

todays appointment

No bad news - but no good news. My latest round of bloodwork came in and the doctor knows which direction to go in with my medications - each targeting separate issues such as lack of potassium, fighting immunities, blood clotting etc. There will be 6 medications in all. How they will will affect me is anybody's guess. Just don't look at me weird if I am walking around like a zombie. :):):) All the other things: like bedrest, watching my sodium etc. still stands. Thanks for your continued prayers.

big day

Thank you to all who have already signed up as a follower. Today is a big day for me. I have a follow-up appointment at the liver specialist. Please pray for me. While I do not expect a miracle, I would at least like to know that we are moving along and the disease is not progressing.

August 31, 2009

Let's give this a try...
today went to the dermatologist - Dr. Pielop, like her alot. Having some side effects from the disease that affect my skin. Hopefully they will work!